"I'm a Crip" and dark rainy days

Good evening. It is 7:30 and it is dark and rainy. I am planning to buy some of the light bulbs that create a sensation of the sun shining in your house, can't remember what they are called at the moment, but I hope they will "lighten" my life this winter. My mood tonight is like having the beginning of the Dark night of the Soul..., but I know it is just a reminder of what winter darkness sometimes feels like. I will try taking vitamin D, take my calcium, get my new light bulbs and hope that the winter will seem brighter. It is only September 6; are we in for a long dark winter this year? Well, enough doom and gloom, it isn't even halloween and listen to me.

Something lighter for a minute. I hope I'm not repeating myself, but like I say to my friends when they say: "Did I tell you this story before?" I say, "Tell me again. Maybe you will give me some new interesting details and even if you do not say anything new, I want to hear your story again because I am interested in who you are." I am waiting for some new linoleum, well it's actually fiberglass flooring. I wanted Armstrong safeguard-blue, but Lowe's told me I couldn't have it because it is commercial, so I went somewhere else, to Carpet One in Rainier Oregon. I order something called Tarkett and the color is Square Dancing-blue. It is actually a fun and whimsical design. It was supposed to come this Tuesday, but the company did not deliver enough to the office in Washington, so now I'm supposed to have the new floor put down on 9/18. Getting rid of this rug will be a relief and I will be able to clean up more easily after the dogs and the birds. Speaking of bird, Peewee the pigeon is still eating and pooping, this is a good sign. He is also attacking my hand when I put the food in for him. I want him to stay wild. I think, or hope, he will have developed enough by next week for me to take back to Lowe's and let him go. My finches are yelling for a new nest, so far all their babies have come to an untimely end. I will probably buy them a new nest again next week, I need to look up whether I need to feed them something special when they have babies. I think it is probably just that wild animals have a difficult time procreating in a domestic setting.

I wonder if the word nest and the word next are related to each other somehow. They seem to be very similar and even have similar ideal behind them about nextness...and new life, new situations. Someday, I will purchase one of those huge dictionaries that show the relationship between words and what their history has been.

Today I went to the Episcopal Church and came home to work on an appeal letter to Medicare regarding the purchase of therapeutic shoes for me. Medicare has denied my need for the shoes as "durable medical equipment." I will need to obtain some medical records from a poditrist I saw in 1999 and I have asked for a second opinion from a new poditrist. I may have written too long a letter, but will look at it again tomorrow to see if I can cut some things out. Just writing that letter was enough to drive me into the dark night of the soul, but I shouldn't let it or them have that kind of power over me, it is only about money... Well, maybe it is about more than money, it is also ove worth, is a short disabled woman worth the money to buy her a pair of shoes that may cost a few hundred dollars? Hmmm, good questions. All God's children got shoes.

I only have one light on. It is actually soothing to sit in the house as darkness falls over this little town. I have much to be happy about. My friend, Mike, had dinner here on Friday and he wiped out the worms in my computer. I enjoy Mike and I was so happy I don't need to buy a new computer. On Saturday Dana and Betsy, and Betsy's parents and grandmother, and I all went to the Red Lobster for a delicious meal. The food was spectacular and it was comfortable to be with a family who cares about each other. Dana and Betsy were supposed to come over to my house for dinner, but then they decided to spend two of their commitment gift cards to Red Lobster for dinner with their family and they were kind to invite me as well. By the way, Dana and Betsy are two women.

So my disability is Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. I just looked it up, again, tonight. It is a rare birth defect that affects 1 in 3,000, I think that is just a number. I bet it is even rarer that the numbers state. I walk with crutches and have for 56 years, I learned to walk with crutches at age three. My crutches are purple, I purchased them from Award Prosthetics a few years ago. When I get rich I will buy more pairs in different colors. I have the disability in my hips, knees and feet. Since I live a fairly medical free life the medicare folks think I am trying to get away with something by asking for assistance to purchase the shoes. Well, life in the disability fast lane, I guess.

I was in and out of the Alfred I. duPont Institute from 1950 through 1963. I don't remember there being school at the hospital until I was 13, but I may be wrong. When I wasn't in the hospital I went to school at the John G. Leach School for Crippled Children, this school was actually a baby-sitting center for disabled children. In the summer I went to summer camp for five weeks from age 8 until I was 13 at the Children's Beach House for Cripppled Children. (should I leave all those "p's?")

Once when I was teaching AIDS Education to youth in the detention center in Seattle a large African American boy came up to me and said: "I'm a Crip." I think I was supposed to be frightened, I don't know much about gangs. He was probably six feet tall and I am 4'6" tall. I looked at him and I said, "I'm a Crip too. How long have you been a Crip, I've been one all my life?" I don't think he ever thought about his concept of the word Crip having anything to do with disabilities. He didn't say anything else to me during the session. I hope he had a sense of humor later and perhaps my little turn around helped him to escape from some life that would be difficult to live. So I guess the joyful message for today is: I'm a Crip!

Welcome rain! Welcome to the first sign of Fall. And Autumn blessings to us all, Iris